Making people nervous.

Zee heel of zee bread

2006-02-04T21:12:55Z

I haven't had too many sucky customers lately, but I have been blessed with a profusion of WTF moments. And a few creepy old guys.

First up: I ask whether a guy wants paper or plastic. (Recap- grocery store wage slave) He looks at me, winks really slowly, and says "Paaaaaaaaper, honeeeey," in this really creepy voice.

Second up: What are you feelings on the elderly wearing things with Volcolm, Azhiaziam, and surf company logos? I'm talking ninety year olds in wheelchairs here. Well, yesterday this older, quite overweight, balding guy comes in wearing a Punisher t-shirt. Did you raid your grandson's closet, sir?

Last and Best: A woman comes in holding a loaf of bread (in the plastic wrap and all still). Now, our store, a local supermarket, is extremely relaxed on returns. So, the lady comes up and tells us that the bottom slices of the loaf are stale. I rattle off the standard 'sorry about that' and tell her she can get another one off the shelf. The bread company is very good about returns and reimbursment. So, I take the defective loaf and try to feel where the stale part is...and I realize something. As the lady comes back, the following conversation takes place.

ME: Ma'am, this bread isn't stale.
HER: Yes, yes it is. Right on the bottom. (Mind you, she was very nice and all.)
ME: ...Ma'am, that's the heel of the bread.
HER: No it's not.
ME. ...Okay. Well, have a nice day.

She left with the new loaf of bread. It was very amusing.

Kthnxdie.

2006-01-10T04:20:14Z

Recap: Local grocery store wench.

When I ask whether you want paper or plastic, I don't need to see you undress me with your eyes and say "Whatever turns you on, honey."

WHOAWAITSLOWDOWN.

I gave you plastic, made sure you left, and amusedly told my boss. He gave me permission to respond any way I wanted to that, including "Oh, I'm sorry but we seem to be out of whips and leather."

My boss is so awesome.

Crossposted to Customers_Suck.

crazy_weretiger @ 2005-11-25T19:45:00

2005-11-26T03:53:49Z

My tablet is back. It's half my old tablet and half my new tablet. Yay for cyborgism! It shall be named...Recap!

In other news, I have more Customers: The Suckening cards done, and I think I'll start on a few cards for Bad_RPers_Suck as well. Go me!

I need RP sites badly. Grarrrr!

I am using the return key too much.

I'd also like to state that I survived another Black Friday. Of course, I work at a supermarket, not a retail place, so the ordeal was less traumatizing. My condolences and hopes go out to all the rest of my fellow wage slaves.

MPHHHFUCKINGRETARDEDGRASHBLARGEN@!1*&^!@#$%!!!!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

*deep breath* I had to get that out. Today, apparently, was not the best day for me to work. I have cramps, I'm feeling hormonal, and we're going through a Thanksgiving rush. Blah.

Recap: Cashier/bagger at a local supermarket
My shift today was a short one, 7-12 (am to pm) and so I dragged myself out of bed at six. Blech. MY shift was okay until, at ten o'clock, I encountered ULTIMATE BITCH WOMAN.

Now, it's a store policy to, in general, bag meat in plastic. (If the people want paper, we then put the plastic inside the paper bag. Simple, eh?) This is because some of the fresh meat can be pretty bloody, even though it is contained in its little Saran wrap thing. Even though it's usually policy, I ask the customers if it is alright to bag it in plastic first. Then along comes ULTIMATE BITCH WOMAN and the rest of my day was ruined.

So, I bag this woman's groceries (she asked for paper; I obliged, of course), including some open veggies and greens and such, then I come to a big, fat, bloody, leaking, side of pork. Well, because it was leaking, I bagged in it plastic without asking (I'd do the same for, say, a bag of sugar that had been ripped but the person still wanted it or something like that). ULTIMATE BITCH WOMAN sees this, and screams "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!?!"

I kinda jump back. "Well, the pork is leaking, and I don't want it to get on any of your other food, m'am." At this point I was startled and a little freaked and so I was very polite and non-threatening.

ULTIMATE BITCH WOMAN screams (everyone in the fucking store is looking at her now) "I SAID I WANTED PAPER! YOU ARE GIVING ME PLASTIC!" she howls, in the same tone of voice as if I had presented to her the bloody remains of her eldest child's head instead of a neatly plastic-wrapped pork.

Now, my happy has fled in terror, and by default, my INSANE RAGE has replaced it.

"M'am," I say in my iciest tone, "I am bagging this in plastic because the meat was leaking, and PORK BLOOD would have OOZED onto your lettuce and raspberries if I didn't. Raw meat is a health hazard."
What I really wanted to say was something along the lines of "Fine, bitch, I'll let you eat the blood-soaked strawberries (gives it that extra fucking TANG) and when little worms are writhing through your instestines and crawling through your bloodstream up into your brain (might be fucking hard to locate, though) because you developed fucking trichinosis, don't come fucking crying to me, you pork-slut!" But I didn't. :)

The manager told her to get out of his store, and two of the male checkers (one also a manager) escorted her out. :)

Goodbye, Poor Tabby

2005-11-10T19:08:24Z

;__;

My tablet, having been with me for less than a year, has expired. It's untimely death will make mourners of us all. I am sending it back to Wacom to be replaced today. Tabby, know that I mean no disrespect by doing this. Go play in the bountiful tablet heaven, where nanochips never fail and everything is cordless.

;___;

ACK!!!

2005-10-11T00:37:12Z

You know, I'm really sorry I don't update this. I don't know why. I update my DeviantART journal waaay more often. Really.

I'm going to set this as my homepage. Then I will be forced to acknowledge it's existance.

Sorry for the short post.

Summah!!!!!

2005-06-17T16:04:26Z

School ees out!!!

Now I can devote most of my energy into sleeping, reading, and playing computer games. Until next week, anyway, when I fly off to France and Spain for the summer. Au revoir!

Mmyup. I won't be on much over the summer, though, because I'll be back in France with Lena and my second-family-thing over there. I might be lucky enough to get onto a Starbucks or something, though.

:D

I'm a senior now!

Procrastination! It does a body good!

2005-06-14T03:39:27Z

Procrastinaaaaaaaaaaation!

Here I am, writing up an LJ entry when I should be finishing that science report. Oh well. After this I'm gonna go finish a few drawings! :D Glee!

And maybe play some computer games. I need a new computer game, by the way. :( I'm feeling pretty monosyllabic right now; not exactly condusive to writing an essay.

Yup.

Cheers! I'm off to go make some cake!

Hyper! Caffeeeeeeeeeeeeeine!! Also does a body good!

Neglection...

2005-06-11T19:27:10Z

Okay, I've been neglecting this severly. I promise I won't anymore. So, to make up for it, I'm going to write up a review for a movie I recently saw.

Now, as a prelude, I am a die-hard B-movie afficiando. It's one of my hobbies, and my weakness (seriously- what other person is going to go nuts over a chance to get Zombie Lake -one of the most notoriously bad and poorly made movies in existance- on DVD?). I've seen literally thousands of really, really, REALLY bad movies. I've seen the 'good' ones- say, Tremors, Dead Alive ("I kick ass for the Lord!"), and a few other I could mention. After that, it mostly goes from downhill to shooting over a thousand foot cliff in flames. Say, Soul Vengeance (it's about a man who strangles people with his penis and it is, depsite the kick-ass premise, incredibly boring. Seriously. It sucks) and Oasis of the Zombies (yawn), along with the ever terrible Johnny Mnemomic and Elves (no cheery holiday flick here- instead, a godawful snore-fest of Nazis breeding elf assassins). I've sat through things like Elsa: She-Wolf of the SS, which proves I am more of a machoist than the title character is a sadist. I hold a soft spot in my heart for flics like Slugs, and of course I hold John Carpenter movies very close to my heart. That DVD collection, bought on Ebay, sits next to my Diana-Rigg-as-Emma-Peel black'n'white Avengers collection and my complete Outer Limits DVD set. Yes, I am obsessed. In a good way, of course. ;)

But yesterday, I was struck by a movie of such staggering ineptitude that I had to write a review for this abombination. Now, I've been told about this movie by other B-movie fans, and it's a staple of B-worship for its sheerly abominable noxiousness. No, the movie is not Plan 9 from Outer Space. This movie is...

BATTLEFIELD EARTH: A SAGA OF THE YEAR 3000

Let me just give you a quick cap of what this movie is:

> This movie is John Travolta on stilts, dressed up as a Klingon wannabe
> This movie is not learning the main character hero's name until nearly an hour into the film
> This movie is seeing so many camera tilts you'll think this was filmed by a narcoleptic
> This movie is filled with so many badly-executed cliches I thought I was going to puke
> This movie is so full of 'humor' that your sides will split (because you willingly stabbed a butcher knife into your gut to make the pain stop)
> This movie is seeing so many blatant ripoffs of other, much better movies I was surprised no one was sued
> This movie is like like taking a big spoonful of that Ben & Jerry's chocalate ice cream, only to realize that someone ate it already and filled the container with shit.

In short, if other intelligent lifeforms out there ever saw this, they would come to the conclusion that mercy killing our planet would be the safest and most humane thing to do.

A note to Roger Christian (the director of this film): Filming every single scene with a camera tilt and a colored filter, and using center based Powerpoint wipes to change scenes does not make this movie classy. Seriously. And it doesn't look cool. And shooting at least a quarter of this movie in slow-mo only serves to draw out the pain. It doesn't look cool either.

And Barry Pepper (the guy who plays the hero who is unnamed for the first fifty-five minutes of the film)- please, just go die. If not for the fact that the backgrounds were different at the time, I would have thought they were using the same footage when you screamed "noooooooooooooo" when a)your horse died and b)you were told your father had died. You used the same inflection and melodramatic style for both. And dude, it was a horse that you had just picked up....you didn't have any life long attachments or anything.

You know what, I can't even bring myself to relive this movie. You'll just have to deal with the above. And I'll write more often, I promise.

Floofiness

2005-04-07T02:22:18Z

Yes, the world is floofy. I haven't updated in a long, time, I've been neglecting this account...in fact, I'd actually forgotten about until I found in my bookmarked pages...:P

Yeah, so anyway, my life is pretty much normal at the moment...homework is bein a bitch, internet is spazzing out, and I'm completely ignoring said looming homework in favor of alternating between RPing and writing.

Nerf. New-ness and splifflication.

2005-02-11T01:07:22Z

Yeeeeeees, I am new. I signed up mainly because I have friends on here and I was bored...and because I was supposed to be doing a report on 'Sheep Parasites' and this looked like a better option.

OMG L33T *spazz* !!!11!1!!!